I know that as you’re reading these simple questions and in just micro seconds, at least two boy/girl friends , a few family members, and an endless list of friends without mentioning the people you meet every day, unconsciously – or consciously, you wanting to save them.
Moreover, I’m sure that yesterday or before reading this article you were talking to someone who is going through a difficult time in their life and you were giving them advice. You were telling that person what to do or should not do for that situation to conclude.
I am also sure that while you were doing this you felt that you were an important person in the life of that person, you felt useful, you felt that you were doing a favor for that person, who knows you might have even, felt at some point of the conversation that you were doing something good for humanity.
Do not take what I’m saying as criticism; given that it is not, I’m just expressing how I have felt at different times and where I found myself in this situation as well as trying to solve someone’s life when my own was on the floor.
I am sure each one of us knows someone like that, one who spends a lifetime giving advice and trying to save the lives of people in their surroundings, but do not work or take care of their own and are dying inside little by little.
A few weeks ago I was sitting on Lincoln Road sharing with a friend who I had not seen for months, so I invited her for us to meet and update ourselves with our lives.
During the conversation I started sharing the news in my life but, when her time came up in the conversation to talk about what was happening in her life, she was blocked, she did not want to talk about her life, and I felt that she was avoiding the topic.
I continued with the conversation and for a few minutes I let her ask what she wanted, then she began to focus on the decisions I should take, and began to give me a thousand and one solutions to each and every one of my situations which we had shared.
After a while after letting herself manifest and without a word I took her hand and said, you know I love you so much, I respect you for being a person of light that you are and I deeply appreciate your friendship, so, why ‘re trying to throw me a life jacket ?, I’m not drowning?
She was astounded in one piece, nearly almost choking, given that she had something in her mouth, and she immediately said “what are you talking about”. I said I know that you are going through difficult times and I respect you for not wanting to share them with me, in view of the fact that it has been several weeks with out a call and you have also disappeared, these in your case are signs that something is wrong.
Indeed after a while of avoiding the conversation, she began to describe the different situations that she was going through, in her love life, her family, and finally in a matter of seconds she confessed that she was a mess.
I place this as an example, as I got to thinking, that it would be productive for ourselves and for the society to which we all belong, to recognize that the approach of my friend to evade and to throw a lifeline to others is a collective sense which is in our DNA.
That it arises from a need as a society to focus on the situations of others, this way not to have the time or to set it as an excuse for not really seeing what’s happening in our lives.
It’s simple, as human beings we all have needs to feel loved, to be recognized, to know that we matter to someone else, but this necessity for the past three thousand years has taken us to do extreme things to get them.
I’m not saying that this simple sentiment is bad or good, purely, is to reflect whether we are constantly tossing lifelines, before telling others what to do or not do, let’s take the time to heal our wounds, work with our situations, before doing so with others.